Dear Aisyah

It had been a day with mixed emotions...don't  know why . Its a happy occasion. Its walking  down the road once again. It was 33 years ago when i delivered my first born girl. It was around 2 pm , the sun was the hottest at this time of the day... so i heard... And I heard too that babies  born at this  hour are strong in character, resilient  and stubborn too. I wonder how much of that is true ??
I had to be induced because it was past my 39 weeks.  But my little girl took her time. And when she arrived... aah.. hidung kembang macam mak la..

Years have really flown past really fast. Here you are... 33 years today , a husband and 3 kids in tow.

You made many choices in your life ... You chose to be a full time housewife and mother despite your good educational background... I respect that..and many other decisions that you made, both ayah and I have never interfered ... maybe words of caution and advice thrown in on occasions that required necessary interventions. But we have stood by with whatever decisions that you have made.

So Aisyah dear,, if you are reading this ... maybe now or maybe many many more years down the road... I want to say this to you....

Sometimes you go through life, when making experiences the first time around, you don't realise that these experiences that you went through, actually has impacted how you lived your life today and maybe  tomorrow  too.

I have had my share of misadventures, my good days, days and moments that when I looked back I'd say to myself.. Good job girl ,well done. Alhamdullilah. But there times too , looking back, well girl .. you could have done it differently. Regrets ? Yes.. But that is lessons in life that Allah swt would want me to go through... Feel it... understand the consequence... rectify it ... move on.

You are a full time mom, right from the moment your first child was born. I was not. I am still ploughing on...Your kids have your full time attendance... You didn't..

So, what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry I wasn't there full time for you. Remember the other day, you wrote something about being cautious about letting your son go ....how scared you were because you didn't see him enter the school gate. You went back to check on him...
Well, perhaps now you will understand why I didn't want you to join on that trip to Pulau Pangkor . It wasn't because I was being cruel... I was unsure of the circumstances.. It was ... either we are in this together or none whatsoever...That was being protective of my loved ones..And that is natural motherly instinct...

So Aisyah...my prayers for you.. That you will live a full life with your husband and your adorable kids. Remember, time and experiences  in life changes us . Relationships too will be tested through times. As for now, your husband is busy building  up his career.. One day will come when he's established ..when career is not the the main focus anymore. When that day comes, I hope your love for one another will be as strong as ever. Changes in mood, behaviours etc.. those are changes that everybody goes through... its the hormones in us. Persevere Aisyah.. Hang in there...It will be ok once you overcome that phase...Believe me. I have been through that phase of the journey.. You may wonder.. why are we ( ayah and me) constantly bickering even over small matters... well that is communicating.. If you choose to swallow it all in and remain passive and nice... you could be a walking time bomb...and when you reached the limit... it would be too late.

Oh well Aisyah... at the end of the day, do your best .. Think well, act well. I pray and hope your journey through life will be rewarding. I hope to still be around to witness the outcome of your efforts in nurturing your three lovely children ( or perhaps more to come?).I pray that they will grow up to be good sons and daughter (s?) . And to carry on with our family legacy.Be strong, be firm and above all be you. Stay true to yourself. May Allah swt be with you always.

I LOVE YOU. THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE WHENEVER I NEED THE SUPPORT AND HELP. THANK YOU DEAR DAUGHTER.

Coming Full Circle

Coming full circle (2)

Workwise i mean. The excitement of working days finally coming to an end is undescribale. One has to go through this to understand the emotions roller coastering. On one hand hand feeling relieved ,the days are numbered and also on the other hand still feeling there's more to be done. I could be riding on a pedestal, self indulging in positive vibes , another ultra ego trip i suppose...?

Nothing serious actually....

At this moment at this age , twilight age, i would say.  being overly sensitive over perhaps trivial matters is quite normal, quite acceptable. I don't know. Do all people in this  age category go through the same emotions?

Just thinking.. so many promises being made, none materialised. Its like the boy who cried wolf. After a while, nobody believed him anymore.

How do you categorise that kind of person? The Malays has a saying - 'Menanam tebu dibibir,, manis dibibir sahaja. It means- sweet words only. Anyway, don't want to  dwell  too long on this matter. Just needed to get it out of my system, once and for all.What I witnessed this morning sums it all up.

By the way - I LOVE YOU TOO.