My Journey

November 2009 – 1.4.2017 ( Part One)

My last eight  years in the education sector was not spent in one school but in fact in many schools. I left school in 2009 to join the Institute Aminuddin Baki, the Ministry of Education training wing  for heads of schools . 

 

When I made the move in 2009, I brought with me 25 years of classroom teaching . During  the last  14 years of my 25 years at school,  I was a subject teacher as well as an administrator ( Senior Assistant in Student Affairs and Senior Assistant in Administration and Academics ).I missed out on the top post , that is the Principal of the school. I was at the saturation point. I was ready for new challenges, new working environment. No regrets.

Since April 1981, I have served at 5 schools in total . I took a short break of unpaid leave from November 1986 to April 1990. In 1995, while serving at the fourth school. I was appointed as the Senior Assistant of the Student Affairs, an administrative post .In December 2002 I was appointed as the Senior Assistant in Administration and  Academics at my fifth and final  school. In November 2009, I moved to my final post as a senior lecturer at the Institut Aminuddin Baki before retiring in April 2017. 

 

I reported for duty on September  2009, about 1 month after the letter of appointment  to the post of Senior lecturer was sent to the state education department. It was  dated 1.8.2009. I wonder why the delay in delivery. My gut feeling told me to make an enquiry at the state department. Eventually it came after a month later . I received the letter of appointment on the 10^th of September 2009 and as soon as I received it, I immediately drove up the Genting Highlands to report for duty

There was a big number of new intakes for this post ( about 200 )  at different grade levels and seniority. The most junior post was DG44 , the most senior was DG52. I think there were about 10 us seniors in the DG52 post category. I think the big numbers of us who reported for duty was quite overwhelming for the old staff. The term tsunami was often heard mentioned amongst them. 

 

Before this influx of new lectures , there were about 50 teaching staff. 

 

With the main focus of the Ministry of Education to increase quality training to all schools heads  and to increase the knowledge and skills capacity in the present and future heads of school, the increase number  was justifiable.  And of course there were many of us seniors who came in on grade post higher than the present staff. And of course words were circulating that we came merely for the post  because we were offered a grade higher in salary and seniority. We were perceived as very inexperience in the field of training. So how can we be given the trust to this job well. My colleague even overheard one of the administrators talking out loud that we ‘don’t know anything’ . oh well, we were not in the capacity to rebuke that statement. Of course we lacked experience in training but the majority of us who were from schools were mostly ex assistant heads .We may lack the experience in training but trust us, we had years of running the school . What we lacked we compensated by the knowledge and skills and the right frame of mind.

 My Journey Part 5 ( My Career)

My Career I started my career in the teaching profession in 1981. As soon as I graduated, I was placed in a school about 15 km away from home. I was 7 months pregnant with my first child. I was assigned to the afternoon session. I was given the Remove classes to teach Science, and the subjects History and Physical Education for the form one classes. Remembering words of advice from my education lecturer, never to negotiate or bargain, take whatever is being shoved to you. You can start doing that once you are in the third year or so. Being pregnant was no excuse not to conduct the PE class according to the set syllabus. Three months into teaching I had my first-born. By the end of the year the travelling has taken its toll, I moved to a school nearer to home. I was given subjects close to my heart, science, health science and biology. In 1983, I signed up for my Masters  class, In early  January 1984 I had my 2^ndchild. I did a dissertation on the understanding of decimals. My subjects were my form three students. Indeed it was an eye opener to me to gather data that showed difficulties in understanding decimals. I managed to finish my writing before I had to leave the country to join my husband who was on study leave to pursue his doctorate in the United Kingdom. Sad to say, though while in Durham, I continued my final write up I was not able to complete my Masters.  I was communicating with the lecturer supervisor via the snail mail. Back in 1980s the email was unheard of, at least to my knowledge. I did not graduate. I came back and looked for him. By then he was already in Australia, on sabbatical leave. My only mistake that I was quite naive about the procedures involved, that there was a thing as request for extension etc. Perhaps it wasn't meant to be. But the second time I took the Masters in Education was back in 2002.  

 

When I was studying for my degree, I went on a lot of field trips. I was a major Biology. The exposure to field trips to various sites around the Klang valley  was an add on experience for me. Thus, I wanted to share these experiences with my students. So, during my short stint in my second school ( 1982-1986), I managed to organise field  trips to two places. Twice,  I managed to bring my students to the University Malaya’ Research Centre in the district of Gombak. We stayed overnight on both occasions. I wanted my students to experience the trip into the nearby jungle. Looking and learning  about local  plant and animals specimens  that were found in their natural habitat. Overall I think most of these students were experiencing such  trips for the first time in their student life.

 

During the early 1980s, there was a lot of hype about scientific expeditions to the Endau-Rompin National Park (Taman Negara Endau-Rompin), a protected tropical rainforest in the southernmost prolongation of the Tenasserim Hills, Malaysia. It is south of the state of Pahang and northeast of Johor covering an area of approximately 870 km2 (340 sq mi), making it the second-largest national park in Peninsular Malaysia after Taman Negara. It has approximately 26 km (16 mi) of trail. It was gazetted as the second national park by the in 1993. 

 

In the  early 1980s , besides carrying out scientific research, the Science Society of Malaysia welcomed participation from schools. I think this is their effort to cultivate interest  amongst the secondary school students. So,  I decided to put in an application . And it was such a pleasant surprise that my application was approved! I didn’t have to do much persuasion. My form five students were elated and excited when I first mentioned this to them. There was a lot of groundwork that needed to be done. Seeking approval from the Education District Office, parents, and going to the local government health clinic to get supplies of malarial pills about 14 days before the trip. And that in May 1986. The last year before I went  on a 4 years  non-pay leave to The UK. 

 

There were about 10 of my students , all boys from the class of 5 Science two. It was not an easy journey We took the night train from KL train station to reach  Gemas train station at 6 am . From that train station we were instructed to move to a police station ( I can’t recall the exact station). We were picked up in a 4 wheel Land Rover and were taken to Kampung Peta, an orang asli settlement in the deep jungle. From there 2 long sampan awaited us to transport us upstream ( about 45 minutes ride ) to the base camp where the scientists were stationed. Our sleeping area was just an open shed and were each assigned to our hammock to sleep in. There was 2 makeshift latrines. Bathing was in the nearby river. A completely new experience for my town boys! And good experience too to work alongside these group of scientists to help gather data. From measuring the girth of trees, to collecting samples and making measurements of shrimps caught in the study area. There were night trips to observe the tracks of wild animals. Crossing the wide and fast river by holding on to the rope, also using a rope to climb an almost 90 degrees inclination  slope to reach to a swamp area and to discover the many new species of periuk kera or pitcher  plants. Looking back, I don’t how I managed to make this trip. Too many experiences and incidences that made this a trip that will forever be one of the highlights of my early journey as a teacher. There was supposed to be another male teacher to accompany me on this trip but he pulled out at the last minute. The sad part was no verbal reasons was given but just a written note left on my table just a day before the trip!.  

 

In November 1986, I packed my bags and with my two young children travelled to the UK to join my husband. Stayed there until April 1990. 

 

I returned to Malaysia in 1990, reported to the Ministry of Education and was placed in the elite Victoria Institution. What do I still remember about my time here? Well, for sure it was being assigned to teach not only Biology at the form 4 and 5 level but also to teach at the form 6 level. This was really a nerve wrecking time for me. It meant getting up early in the mornings, reading, understanding the subject content and strategizing on the best teaching techniques. I graduated with a degree in Science with Education.  Understanding the subject matter to enable me to earn the degree and understanding the subject in order to impart them to my students to  my opinion are two separate entities. But I managed well I think. It was a totally new experience for me to handle selected students ( this was a controlled school).Entry into the school was based on merit, academics excellence and extra cocurricular activities. The school culture and ethos was something that I had never experienced before.   The students were given a free hand to handle a lot of things. They were trained to lead, in and outside the classrooms!. I noticed that activities for clubs and societies were basically managed by students. The teacher advisor literally were advisors in the true sense of the words. All activities were planned by the students. Students lead, teachers advised. A good formula to nurture student leadership and entrepreneurships.  This school celebrated its 100 years in 1993,  the same year that I applied for transfer out of the school to one that was nearer to home. Commuting from Selayang to Jalan Hang Tuah in Kuala Lumpur in those days was quite stressful on certain days. In the early 1990s, the stretch of road from Selayang to Kuala Lumpur was single laned. On days when there was an accident, would mean reaching school way past 8 in the morning! 

 

In 1994 I moved to SMK Ideal Heights in the Gombak district. New school, new environment, new working culture. My first ever school where everyone was at their desks working. Very little interactions, exchange of words amongst colleagues only when necessary. The teachers here were so disciplined that nobody left their desks even after the school finished for the day. Teachers abide by the rule imposed by the principle to leave  the school compound at least about 15 minutes after the school was officially over. I remember a few teachers giving me the dos and don’ts ,the expected norms. It was quite stressful, actually.  But soon to change. I initiated the pot luck activity. Anyone who had anything to contribute (food)  would bring something to the common table to be shared with. Soon there was a small group of closed buddies and  one of the common activity that we created was shopping in KL after school. We did managed to also go on a family trip to the seaside in Lumut, Perak. A very effective way of destressing! Here, I continued with my activity of bringing the students out for field trips. I managed to take a group of them to the Sungai Relang Field Centre in  Hulu Selangor. I managed a few other activities with my students.I was put in charge  of the science society . I was lucky to have a bunch of students who were equally passionate about my interest. We shared a common interest in a lot of things. So during the weekends I would be driving my Nissan Vanetta  with a few of them onboard and we would go round the neighbourhood collecting used newspapers from houses. And most of the time these kind people were happy to get rid of their stacks of papers parked on the front porch of their houses. We managed to collect quite an amount, filling up almost half of the space in the yet to be used pure science lab. We realised it could be a fire hazard if kept for too long. So we called a national newspaper, The New Straits Time. Soon there was a representative and of course it was not complete without the usual photo shoot! The amount collected was nothing to shout about .But the experience and the lesson learned which I hoped to be a stepping stone in creating awareness of conservationism amongst students. The other projects which I managed to complete before I was made the Assistant Principle in Student affairs was the creation of an Ecology Pond and the Quiz Board. For the Quiz board , I took them on a trip to the geology department  in University Malaya to view an example of the board that I wanted my students to recreate. And they did a wonderful job using their background knowledge in electronic circuits. The ecology  pond involved quite a bit of digging the hard soils. There was a topic at the form 4 level in my subject biology that I thought would be best approached by hands on experience with the actual flora and fauna of a pond. So for that purpose it meant  going to the nearby used mining pool in the area to collect species of the water plants. I realised that with the introduction of the water plants into the pond, the water skaters showed their presence, the frogs came to lay their eggs, the dragonflies  and the bees came to feast on the nectar of the flowers. It was quite a sight! The students without much instruction took their own initiatives in keeping the pond clear of unwanted materials.  I was able to use the pond for 2 consecutive years until I had to slow down to make way for my post in 1996.

 

But once I was appointed as Assistant Principal for Student Affairs and cocurricular activities, I had to be released of my advisory post of the science club. That was the start of  endless learning the ropes of the new post. The post required me  to be in charge of lot of sub units, all relating to students well-being, that is the discipline,  student welfare, the textbooks loan, the school canteen, the school magazine, the clubs and societies as well as the sports and games. Of course it was not a one man task. I had teachers who were assigned to head the various sub units.  But how can one give instructions on what to do if one is not equipped with the knowledge of  the how’s . The skills of communicating instructions, the knowledge of the dos and don’ts based on the various surat pekeliling ( Circular letters) needed to be digested so that instructions do not contradict the expected norm. So this is where the role of the head of school come in. During  my  initial years of holding the post, whatever knowledge that I had was by observation of the previous person who held this post. She vacated the post to return to her hometown. And I was lucky I was working under a head who knew her job well.  But sad to say that she soon left for another school and soon after that was the start of  a roller coaster of frustrations, of confusions , lost leadership among others.   Maybe it was because I was used to a certain style of leadership . The previous head was firm in her ways, yet she allowed us a say in the running  of the everyday affairs. She had about 12 years of experience as the head. The  new head was a fresh appointment. Before this, she was the  assistant head for the afternoon session in her former school. I am sure she had her strengths that resulted in her appointment. As soon as she reported for duty, she was sent to do a six week course at Institut Aminuddin Baki, the KPM’s unit in training of heads of schools. But her style of leadership was something that I found it hard to comprehend. A mixture of lassier faire, a bit over the top in her democratic style. She loved gardening! So much so that there were certain individuals who were favoured to be seen doing these extracurricular activities instead being in the class teaching! 

 

Well, of course eventually I was transferred out of the school to a neighboring school as Assistant Principal in Academics. That was in year 2002. I got a phone call from my relative who was then the PPD officer at the Gombak District Education Office. Apparently, I was singled out as the troublemaker, the rebel who stood in her way, who prevented her from doing her job. But believe me I was not the only one frustrated with how the school was being run under her leadership. There were a lot of anonymous letters (surat Layang in Bahasa Malaysia) sent to the district office. Mind you, I never wrote them. In fact, I even went to see the head of the District Office and I was shown the multiple letters received by the office from anonymous persons from my school. They were all written in good Bahasa Malaysia, which I must confess was lacking in me. So, I left, and reported for duty on the 16.12.2002. Of course, news had already travelled to the new school about my reputation. So, the minute I reported for duty, I could still recall the stern words belted out by the principal of that school. “we are here to work, not to cause trouble. I don’t tolerate nonsense” There were harsh words. I kept silent. The first day when the school reopened, the PPD officer came, courtesy call and all. But I knew it was more than that! But it was okay, say and think what they want. I am a working person. My integrity and work ethics are intact. I never deflect when given any tasks before this and I was going to go on to do what I have done all these while. I have worked hard all my life, given 100% of my time and energy. 

 

But of course, this new position was a new ball game to me. I had to learn the ropes fast. And I did just that. Just like my previous post, I dived in hand in hand with the teacher assistants: - teachers and academics, the school timetable, the school data, examinations, plus numerous committees that was under my responsibility. I plowed on. Soon, the principal saw me as who I was. I became her trusted right-hand person. She delegated a lot of duties to me. So much so that in the year 2006, I was again awarded the prestigious Perkhidmatan Cemerlang or Excellent Service awards (my second since it was first introduced in the 1994) Of course, the usual backstab comments came back to my hearing. “Why of the people, she doesn’t deserve it etc “. Well, tell that to the principal. I did not work to please anybody, but I worked because it was expected of me.

 

Yes, the initial few first years was hell. I was doing my master’s program for the second time. That started in my previous school. It was a form of escapism to me, a diversion. So, that meant waking up in the early hours of the morning to finish my assignments and then to continue with the schoolwork. I was once again teaching the form six biology, besides the form 4 and form 5 classes. I was doing 8 periods per week (the maximum number of teaching periods that an Assistant Principal was expected to do).

 

What was the wow moment for me? I was able to revamp the timetable to be fair to all students. All students deserved equal chance to be in the top class if they qualify.  There is no such thing as constraints. It’s us who created those constraints. And there is no such thing as selective teaching for selective classes by selected teachers. All teachers and students should be given equal opportunity to get the same quality of teaching and learning. The only thing that differs is the emphasis and approach on the students. This means a good teacher is one who is able to vary her method of teaching based on the needs of the students.  Poor performing students will need the remedial approach Wherelse high performing students may just need the teacher to facilitate the teaching and learning process. If only the so called ‘excellent’ teachers are selected to teach the top classes, how else can she or he gain experience in remedial teaching. A good teacher should be able to perform in all circumstances. Thus, the need to do some changes in assigning teachers to the different levels of student needs. Thus, a subject teacher will be assigned to teach one good class and one class of low performing class of students. And of course, not many of us like changes that move us from our comfort zone to new territories that require adjustments and adapting to new challenges. There will be resistance to changes.  Sometimes not loud resistance but rather silent. And I know the old guards were not happy about the changes. And because of those changes, we see a spike in the minority students’ achievements. Many more were getting straight As than before. Before, as soon as the internal exams were done with, students from public examination classes (the form 5 especially) would go on a study leave. That would like almost a month before the date of the public exams. All that soon to change with a timetable carefully worked out to group the students according to their achievements in the trial exams, to do enhancement or remedial classes according to the groups of students. Teachers were required to come up with materials. Of course, this was something new. There were remarks, negatives and all. But that was for the good of all.  But there were teachers who were on board with me. They appreciated the changes. 

 

Well I was there from 2002 to 2007! A good solid 5 years or so! But my mentor principal retired in 2008. A new principal came in 2009 and by then I was eager to move on to new fields, new challenges. That was when I tried my luck at applying for the post of lectureship at the KPM’s training wing for heads of schools. I went for an interview and received an offer soon after. At the same time too, I applied for a post as a biology teacher at the Matriculation College.  I went for the interview at Putrajaya and I got an offer too. So, after weighing the pros and cons I decided on the job at the training institute. It was closer to home and that I was very keen to move into that area at an early phase in my career, but my husband was not too keen to allow me to venture into that area. He thought I would be away from home most of the times and furthermore, the children were of school going age. He himself was involved in his department job that required him to be frequently away from home. So, in 2009 the letter came. In fact, I received it late. It arrived at the State Education Office. But for whatever reasons only known to them, it was not posted to the district office. I had to make my own queries. The orientation for the new officers were already into their second week. As soon as I got the offer letter, I left to report at my new workplace. So, I was there from November 2009 to until I retired in 2017 (about 10 years). I served at the Malaysian Ministry of Education from April 1981 to April 2017 (36 years of service with a break in service from November 1986 to April 1991).

 

 

So, that was my journey in the education field, from an ordinary classroom teacher, to a school administrator and lastly the last 10 years as senior lecturer at the training institute. 

 

At the training institute I was again exposed to totally new experience which I will pen and share in my later writings, Insha Allah.

The struggle is part of the journey, everyone goes through it. Keep going and don't give up.

Powerful things happen when you start putting in the work to achieve your goals. You become addicted to the progress and fall in love withe process.

Never regret anything that has happened indoor life. it cannot be changed, undone or forgotten. So take it as a lesson learned and move on.

Picture 43 :May 1986 With my Form Five Sc 2 boys  SMK Bangsar at Endau Rompin Science Expedition Project Organised by the Malaysian Science Society. 

 

Picture 44: 1995 With my students from SMK Ideal Heights at Sungai Relang Eco Resort.

 

 

                                        Picture 45:1995 SMKIH – The Recycle Project 

                                    Picture 46: 1995 The  Ecology Pond . SMK Ideal Heights.

 

Picture 47: 1999- Was a participant of the  International Human Resource Course organised by INTAN, Bkt Kiara. 

 

Picture 48: 1999- Final Night of the HRC at INTAN with all the participants.

Picture 49: 1991-1993  Staff photo taken in front of the grand colonial building of VI

Picture 50:1993 with my  part of my team . Form 5 VI 

Picture 51:1993 – The core group of Form 5 students involved in the science exhibition in conjunction with the 100 years  of VI anniversary celebration 

Picture 52 : The Education Minister listening to an explanation by one of the team 

Picture 53 : With my junior at VI.  Now  Dr Zuraidah Abdullah, a senior lecturer at UM

Picture 54  : 2008- With the general staff of SMK Kepong. 3rd from left in the front row is Pn Hjh Aziah ,the principal

My Journey ( Part 4 ) My family

 

Boy girl boy girl. My standard answer when asked how many children do, I have? Once they hear that, normally the next statement would be hey, how did you do that? The Malays would say selang bunga or direct translation would be alternate flower or in this case is alternate gender. It is a term used when one has children of alternating sequence in gender. Kun Faa ya Kun. It is not for me to decide.  

 

Syukur Alhamdullilah. All praise be to Allah. His plans have enabled me to reproduce 4 beautiful children and now to see my children reproduce and bear me 7 beautiful grandchildren. Alhamdullilah. Alhamdullilah until now there are 2 generations of the Samsudin Hj Taib and Wan Zakiah ‘s clan. May Allah bestowed many more generations to come. May there be many more branches to sprout from the main Family tree of the Hj Taib family and Hj Wan Omar family.

 

To my children, here is an example of your line of heritage from your father’s family tree and from your mother’s family tree. 

 

Amir Iswadi bin Samsudin bin Hj Taib bin Mustafa bin Ikondonso bin Kam Soo bin Iman Baweh 

 

Your late paternal grandfather was from the suku kaum Ponorogo in Pulau Jawa Tengah.From the research done on the family tree of your father, it was traced until a religious scholar, known as Imam Baweh. Imam Baweh was from the Ponorogo tribe in Pulau Java Tengah. 

Your father is the fifth generation of the Imam Baweh, and thus all my children are the sixth generations of the Imam Baweh clan. And my grandchildren are the seventh generation of the Imam Bawah family tree. 

 

It is the norm that the surname of the children is that of their father’s and not their mother’s. But having said this, it cannot be denied that all of you have in your blood, DNAs from your mother’s side too. 

 

Thus, my father is Wan Omar bin Wan Hamid bin Wan Ahmad Kulim bin Wan Awang bin Wan Yusof (Shah Bandar Kuala Kedah) bin Wan Mat @Wan Sidek (Bendahara) bin Wan Johan (Dato ’Bendahara Paduka Seri Maharaja Sura) bin Wan Long (Bendahara).

 

I am the ninth generation of the Wan Long (Bendahara)

 

My mother is Wan Zaharah bt Hj Wan Ismail (Dato’ Jaya Perkasa) bin Wan Daud bin Wan Jusoh bin Wan Mohd Taib (ShahBandar) bin Wan Mohd Amin (Dato’ Seri Paduka Raja Laksemana) bin Wan Mohd Sidek (Bendahara) bin Wan Johan (Bendahara) bin Wan Long (Bendahara). 

 

If you noticed, both my father and my mother’s roots are traced to the same family tree of Wan Long

 

Both Tok Haji Wan Omar and Tok Hajah Wan Zaharah lines of descendants were once warriors who served the Sultanate of Kedah. As far back as the early 18th Century. They were warriors who defended the sultan at all cost, the Bendaharas, Temenggongs and Laksamanas. They were the court officials who managed the running of the palace. I am still working on the family tree but once it’s done, I will share my writings on my blog.  To be honest, it was no big deal to me when Tok Haji Wan Omar first published the book ‘Mengenal Asal Usul dan Salasilah Keluarga “in 1998. I was still working then; I did not have much time to spare for other things besides family and career. It is only now that I have the interest to read, analysed and appreciate the 30 years of research and dedication that Arwah Tok Haji Wan Omar had put into this quest to trace his roots! He did not do it alone but was helped by two of his relatives.  

 

 And also, to note that the Wan title is only inherited / carried on by the sons of the family and eventually passed down to his future sons and daughters. This has been the tradition for the Wan family of Kedah. So, the title Wan stopped with me, for our family.

 

So dear children of mine and my future generations, you are now part of their heritage! You have the best of both heritage... ayah’s father Hj Taib was from the line of Tok Imam Baweh from Pulau Jawa. The struggles that your paternal grandfather faced when he first landed in Tanah Melayu, the quest to ensure a new beginning for his family, for better standards of living in Tanah Melayu and so forth.  He was the Ketua Kampung (that’s Leadership in him). He was a most diplomatic person. During the early years, Tanah Melayu was hit with the presence of the communists. But because of his ability to form a good rapport with all sides, he escaped from being killed by the cruel communists. I think if you read the book that I helped publish for the Hj Taib ‘s Salasilah Keluarga you will get an insight into the struggles of your grandfather Hj Taib and his wife your grandmother Hj Wakirah bt Dahlan. 

 

It is also interesting to note that amongst us Malays, during my mother’s (your grandmother) and generations before that, once any member of the clan decides to tie the knot, the old folks would always want to know the background of the future in laws.  Marriage is not just about the coming together of two people, but it is also the merging of two families. And don’t be surprised by some of the answers that they would give us when asked why the need to know the roots and family history of the potential groom/ bride?  They would want to know whether there is a family history of insanity, of diseases. In short, are the potential family in laws people of good blood?  But having said that, besides the genetic makeup, the environmental factors also have a great influence in shaping our personality. This is a very interesting area to explore. How much of the nature (In born traits) vs nurture (upbringing) do actually influence who we are. And even amongst our siblings we do vary in behavior and temperaments!

 

So dear children of mine. Perhaps one of these days when you four get together just try to do a little exercise. List down all the common interests/ personality traits that you four have. And what are the things / behaviors that is unique to just one of you. Do that and tell me your results ya. I may take up with my own siblings and I will share with you my own findings! 

After you have done that maybe we can all sit down and do a bit of reflection. 

 

So, dear dearest children of mine I may not have said this too often, but always remember my greatest treasure is my family. We may not be perfect. I may not be a perfect mother, but I love my children with all my heart. 

 

Here’s my prayers for my children and the future generation of Samsudin bin Hj Taib and Wan Zakiah bt Wan Omar:-

رَبِّ ٱجعَلنِى مُقِيمَ ٱلصَّلَوةِ وَمِن ذُرِّيَّتِى رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّل دُعَآءِ

Maksudnya: “Wahai Tuhanku! Jadikanlah daku orang yang mendirikan sembahyang dan demikianlah juga keturunanku. Wahai Tuhan kami, perkenankanlah doa permohonanku”. 

O my Lord! Make me one who establishes regular prayer, and also among my offspring. O our Lord! And accept Thou my prayer  (Surah Ibrahim :40)

رَبَّنَا وَاجْعَلْنَا مُسْلِمَيْنِ لَكَ وَمِن ذُرِّيَّتِنَا أُمَّةً مُّسْلِمَةً لَّكَ وَأَرِنَا مَنَاسِكَنَا وَتُبْ عَلَيْنَا إِنَّكَأَنتَ التَّوَّابُ الرَّحِيمُ

 

Wahai Tuhan kami! Jadikan lah kami berdua orang-orang Islam ( yang berserah diri) kepadamu, dan Jadikanlah daripada keturunan kami:umat Islam (yang Berserah diri) kepada Mu, dan tunjukkanlah kepada kami syariat dan cara-cara ibadat kami, dan terimalah taubat kami:; sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Penerima taubat, lagi Maha Mengasihani. 

Our Lord, and make us Muslims ( in submission) to You and from our descendants a Muslim nation ( in submission) to You. And show us our rites and accept our repentance. Indeed You are accepting of repentance, the Merciful.    (Al Baqarah:128)

 

It’s not what we have in life, but who we have in our life the matters (J.M. Lawrence) 

 

Two of the greatest gifts we can give our children are roots and wings (Hodding Carter)

Family is like music, some high notes, some notes but always a beautiful song!

 

Picture 40 : My family of 4 children. Amir Iswadi (1981), Siti Nur Aisyah (1984), Atif Ismail (1987) and Siti Nur Asyiqin (1994

                                Picture 41 : First son Amir and his family 

                            Picture 42: Siti Nur Aisyah and her family

 My journey ( Part three) My Marriage 

I was still a student at the University when I tied the knot. 1 September 1979.That was at the end of my third year going into my final year. I got engaged in April of the same year. Two weeks after my marriage, my husband left for the UK to continue with his master’s degree in Geophysics at the Imperial College, University of London. On record, that was his second Masters’ degree, the first being at Belgium. He went to Belgium in 1978 and came back late in December of the same year. He had to do his second master’s for reasons tied up to the requirements imposed by the university authority. 

 

Telling friends, colleagues and students on how I met my husband has always being one of my favorite moments. I first realized his presence when I used to go the library in the evening. We would go in a group, me and a few of my friends. My favorite spot was the first table on the split level, second floor of the main library or nicknamed the sandwich floor. I noticed a student who was always dressed in blue jeans with purple baju Melayu as his favorite attire. He would sit there for hours immersed in his studies, without even lifting his head to look around. Very much unlike us, a bunch of first year students with very short attention span. For every 15 minutes or so, we would soon be engaged in small talks or taking walks round tables, saying hello to other fellow students.

During my first year in the science faculty, I signed up for the subject geology as my third option. He was then in his final year as an Honors student at the Geology department. And for most of the final year students, they were assigned as tutors for the first-year students’ practical classes. Thus, that was also another close encounter with him during every practical period!.

Don’t ask me why, but I knew, my gut instinct that this guy is going to be someone significant in my life. They say you just know when you have met the right guy, your soon to be my life partner! Well that was it. Initially I was not too keen on pursuing because to be frank, I just broke up with my first ever boyfriend (for a year only) during my pre-U year. It was tough, ego bruised and all that. So, when one of my colleagues approached and mentioned that he too was keen to know me, my initial reaction was to kind of keep cool. But not for long. I decided I wanted to know him and before long he graduated, he left for Belgium, we corresponded and when he came back, on the last night of December 1978, he brought out a ring that he bought from Belgium. It was a small blue diamond (one of the rarest I have been told). I suppose that was a kind of I like you ring, let’s get serious. I wore the ring until one day, the stone fell off. I had wanted to pass it to my first son (as a family loom) but alas it was not meant to be. There was no way I could find the stone because it was so small in size.

So , we got engaged in April and got married in September 1979.Actually, my parents were not too keen to proceed at such an early date because just the year before, in December 1978, they welcomed the first son in law to the family when my sister got married. So, it was all too soon for them. But I wanted to tie the knot soonest possible because he was once again due to leave for the UK to pursue his studies, so I wanted to follow him as soon as I completed my third year, at least for a short stay while waiting for the new term to reopen.

That was my plan. My parents relented. It rained on the day we married. The solemnization took place at about 10.30 am. The bersanding ceremony was held later in the day. I was in red songket. There was a bit of unease before we went up the pelamin (Dias). I remember my cousin ‘s FIL who recited a few verses to calm me down. Apparently, my husband too had some unease. I don’t know what it was. Maybe an attempt for some kind of foul play by someone? Wallahulam. Soon after the bersanding, we immediately had the meet the family session, where the newlyweds were officially introduced to all members of the family. I cried buckets. Kind of emotional.

My trip back to Kampung Jawa, Lenga, Muar was accompanied by my grand aunt, Tok Nah, my late maternal grandmother’s sister. There was no entourage from my husband’s side to accompany us. That was supposed to be the norm in a Malay wedding. The bridegroom’s family would normally come to the bride’s house and formally accompany the newly wedded couple to the home of the groom.  I suppose our adats (traditions) did differ slightly. His family being of the Javanese descendents. Really, it was not a big thing, because those are all traditions and practices common to closed communities! We were greeted with the traditional bersilat. I was still in my red songket. Apparently, they overlooked that part of getting a new set of attire for the trip home. No big deal for me. And it rained too in Kampung Jawa. Old folks said it was a good sign for us. Murah rezeki (a sign of good fortune) they said. Alhamdullilah. Allah knows best for his humble servants. There was quite a group from my family who accompanied us to Lenga. It was first encounter in traditions and rituals for us. That night, my brother in law and his kampung mates held the Marhaban. My mother in law gave me a bracelet of intan stones. I don’t know what happened to it. Either it was stolen or misplaced or was it returned to its giver? And my father gave my husband a watch as a welcome to the family gift and I wonder too whatever happened to it? Well, it was so long ago. 

So, setting up our own home was slightly delayed due to the fact that my husband left for the UK, the 2^nd week of September 1979. So, I stayed with my parents at The Federal Hill. But as soon as the exams was over, I left to join him in London. I arrived on the 18^th November 1979, that was on his birthday. I remember the Immigration Officer at the Heathrow airport quizzing me on that date, not realizing that they all have records of all people who walked through their airport doors. So, it was sweet reunion! We stayed for a while at the Lilian Pension Hall. His roommate, an Iraq medical doctor was kind enough to let us use the room for a few days. Then we managed to rent a room in an apartment somewhere near the Marlborough street, quite close to the Oxford Street. On those days when dear husband had to attend classes and all that, I would venture out on my own, to the Oxford Street, window browsing, sometimes to cross the Hyde Park to Imperial College, stopping by the lake Serpentine  to watch the swans swim in the lake.  Lunch would always be tomato and cheese sandwiches bought from the Marks and Spencer’s outlet in Oxford Street. Dinner would be homecooked food. On his off days, we would squeeze in visits to the Botanical Gardens, to the famous Greenwich Village and a few other interesting places within range. Back then, there were many Malaysians pursuing their master’s and PhD degrees. So, it was one big happy family in the Big Ben city! 

Our first home as a couple and family was in a terrace house in Section 14, Petaling Jaya. We were a threesome. I had my first child, Amir Iswadi in 1981, the same year that I graduated. I was about 7 months’ pregnant when I went up to receive my scroll.   We stayed there until we managed to get the University apartment at Lorong Jambatan near to the Brickfields area. Our second child, Siti Nur Aisyah was born in 1984 when we were already in Lorong Jambatan. By that time my husband was already making plans to continue with his PhD, a mandatory requirement for the post that he was given at the University.  So before moving once again to the UK, he decided to invest in our own house. So, we bought a terrace end lot (our present house) for a total cost of 130,000RM. It did not take us long to decide on the house. We saw and we knew that this was going to be our home. Being a young couple and just starting work, we did not have the cash to advance as deposit. This was the common practice in Malaysia. Pay upfront about 10% of the total cost as deposit. Then put in the application for the government loan. The eligibility amount for the government servants of my husband’s category was about 130k. So once, we got the approval, the deposit was reimbursed to his niece, who loaned the initial deposit money. We did not stay long in that house because in 1986, he was offered a place at the Durham University to do a PhD in Geophysics. He left for the UK in September 1986. I later joined him as soon as the school holidays began in December of 1986. With two young children in tow, it was a challenge to travel alone. But Alhamdullilah my two children slept well during the 20 hours journey. We arrived in London safe and sound. I cannot recall how we travelled to Durham. But I think it was by train. We managed to put up at Mak wa’s house, a Malaysian married to a Mat Salleh, Richard Simmons. It was a short stay because we were then given the University quarters at 18, Kepier court. I became friend with another Malaysian family, who was there earlier than us. She was also with young children. Her husband was also pursuing his PhD for another University in Kuala Lumpur. 

 

So, that was the start of our 4 and half year stay in Durham county, North of England. From the year 1998 (December) to 1991 (April). My third child Atif Ismail was born in 1987. This is the first child that my husband had the experience of being at my bedside during labor, a totally new experience altogether for him. And it is a story that he will repeatedly tell those who had to listen him tell!

 

And those 4 and half years were precious years! I enjoyed being a full-time housewife, a lady of leisure I would say. Just being there for the children, for the husband. Those were happy days. My children had the experience of schooling at the Gilegates Infant and Junior School. They had friends, global friends, from Iraq, Iran, the Palestine, Saudi Arabia and the local Durham children. They picked up the English language very quickly and soon they were communicating in Geordie English to one another! 

 

In those days, the only form of communication to faraway home was through the snail mail. Phone calls very expensive to make. I managed to make only once to speak to my parents. There were no smart phones. In the year that my son was born, my husband bought air tickets to enable my two sisters to come to the Durham, so as to be around during my confinement period. Sis Wan Azizah and Wan Zahidah travelled together to London, then they took a bus to Durham. But sister Azizah had to leave early due to other commitments back home.  Sister Zahidah stayed on until after my confinement. Because of my condition, we the sisters could not travel far. So, it was short day trips to nearby areas, to Newcastle.  My husband was not able to spare much time to get away from his studies, so it was up to me to take them to visit some of the places. Travelling with him will only happen during the weekends. And just to add to this, round about this time too, my uncle was coming to work in London as the Education Officer. His wife, my mother’s youngest sister and their only child were in London for a 3-year attachment. I remember boarding the train with my 3 children to London to visit my aunt. Now, that was quite an experience. With 3 young children in tow! Because of his study schedule, we did not have the chance to travel much. As mentioned earlier, short trips during the weekends, to the Lake District area, to Glasgow, to Blackburn, Manchester. All that only happened during the weekends! The longest that we managed to stay away from home was the overnight caravan with another Malaysian family, south of Bradford. No Europe trips, no long holidays! But of course, to compensate, we had quite a few trips to factory outlets! That was the craze for Malaysian families to look for bargains to bring home. Trips to car boot sales was also the weekend norm. Trips to Sunderland to buy fish from the fisherman was also another activity to look forward to. And travelling was in the Volvo which my husband bought for a few hundred pounds!

                                    Picture 33: Akad Nikah at 10.30 am 1.9.1979

Picture 34:The bride’s chamber is a big thing to the Malay womenfolk community. They would always want to have a peek at the chamber. This  beautiful red velvet bedspread was done by my late aunt Hjh Wan Aishah bt Hj Wan Ismail ( my maks’s eldest sister)

 

Picture 35: The tradition in the Wan Kedah family. A glass of severely  sweet served to the groom after the solemnisation ceremony. All eyes on how much was consumed. The elders will then interpret accordingly!!

                

Picture 36: Our mode of transport in Durham. In picture Amir and Aisyah standing on the car bonnet at a caravan park in south Bradford. 

Picture 37: Daughter Aisyah with  her class friends. This was at the Gilesgate Infant school. For 3 hours a day, she had fun based activities as her learning module. 

Picture 38: Son Amir getting reading for school. It was the early January winter.

Picture 39: A short trip to London. My uncle was the education officer at the Malaysia embassy. 

This year 2020 marks our 41 years of living together. If someone were to ask me do your love your husband more now or less now than when you first married him? Looking back on this journey I would say that this journey did go through a lot of phases. The early years was the adapting years. Before marriage I think most couples went through the pre honeymoon phase when everything looked and felt nice. We said nice words to each other. Hardly any big misunderstandings that we faced. Looking forward to seeing one another at every opportunity. Going on dates at the nearby eating area. If you ask me did you like the food, how was the food? I don’t think I can even recall what I had. Because we were too engrossed in getting to know each other. The pre honeymoon continued shortly after marriage. But then after a while we started to notice how each one of us have a certain way of doing things which sometimes need a little of adjustment and understanding from our other half. Our habits and routines that we did during our single days and we take for granted are going to be okay and will be readily accepted by the other half. I remember one of my colleagues telling me ‘marriage is a compromise’. How true is that? 

Then came the first child. He is no longer the center of the universe in the family. You needed to adjust to a lot of new routines etc. Not forgetting datelines to meet at the workplace. So, the quality time for each other was lessened. 

 

If you ask me again, did I not go through some rough patches? Of course, I did. But I remember the early years when he mentioned to me. That if ever we disagreed on anything and if he was angry about it and raised his voice, do not interfere and do not fight back. Because in moments like this you might say words that you might later regret. So, I held on to that reminder. Stay silent. But I think after a while, I realized that there were many issues that needed to be discussed. Choosing the right moment, choosing the right words, trying to be as diplomatic as possible in order to keep the tension low was sometimes successful but at other times the intention did not worked as planned.

 

But relationships mature as the journey continue. And as we age, the body itself goes through a lot of changes. The menopause period for both man and woman. Ya, it’s all about hormonal changes in the body. Some showed extreme changes in the physical and mental faculties while in others the symptoms are less severe. I think there is a lot of hype on woman and menopause but are all men aware that they too undergo changes in their selves? There are many articles online on health issues faced by men in their menopause years. I really had no idea of the many aspects of changes that they have to face (physical, sexual and psychological) during this phase. I am beginning to understand now and perhaps relate to a few examples of marriages that I know of couples going their separate ways in their late years. Perhaps if we women are made aware of these changes in their partners, then maybe the degree of compassion may be a notch higher from us wives. We may even react differently, be more tolerant and supportive. But I think the best medicine is to know, to acknowledge and to communicate the concern to our spouse and ride it out together. 

Here’s one link for those interested: 

https://www.healthline.com/health/menopause/male#symptoms

 

Dearest husband (if you are reading this:)

 

I want to say that to never forget that I love you

When we get to the end of our lives together

The house we had, the cars we drove, the things we possessed won’t matter. 

What will matter is that I had You and you had me. 

I love my life because it gave me you.

I love you because you are my life.

 

Love doesn’t mean you will always agree, see eye to eye, or never had an argument. It means despite the bad days you still can’t see yourself without that person.

Thank you for being part of my journey. Life has given us a wonderful family, a happy home, and love for each other. Most importantly, it’s brought us together. I am so grateful to have you as my husband. Alhamdullilah.