26.3.2021
I remain cautious
All the precautions, well almost all went out the window! Throwing caution to the wind. Yes, , it is Allah’s will. Kun Fa Ya Kun ( Be, and it is)
But He bestowed us one of the greatest gifts of all, the ‘akal’ to see, feel and to react under all occasions, stress, duress or simply blissful moments.
I am so sorry. But being in the high risk group, I prefer to remain cautious. Sorry.
Become confident in who you are that on one’s opinion or rejection can rock you.’
25.3.2021
Extreme Fatigue
Extreme fatigue.Since this morning. Got up and then back to bed. Too exhausted . Slept soon after breakfast till about 2 pm. Got up, prepared lunch and now back in bed. I think my tonsils are inflamed .
Dear husband thinks I went overboard yesterday. I made an e card for my sis. She turned 67. Because she loves music and dancing , I decided to slip in a musical video. Bee Gees’s Staying Alive. Very upbeat and nice to dance to. Decided to drop in at her place just to wish her in person. Got carried away. Played the video and asked her to join in. ,But just a short while. Need to project on the full screen to enable full vision. Our next meet, perhaps.
I need to note this to inform my endocrinologist on my next visit. The maintenance dose of thyroxine hormone needs another round of readjustment. Hypothyroidism is rearing its ugly head once again.
21.3.2021
One Best Friend changes a million things
Sometimes, the best things in life are not things at all.... but the people who make you feel loved and cared for.
And when friends are not always just friends... Sometimes they are like family.
These two phrases best describe the true blue comradeship that I heard and witnessed today. I am in awe of the level of commitment and dedication that they shown towards one another during some of the challenging moments that either one is faced with. They went into it together without worry of the consequences. I am not able to relate the actual incidents. I need to respect the privacy of the persons involved but it hit me hard and I felt most humbled to be in such a company.
A relationship that spans many years, going back to their primary years to secondary to the current times when they are successful career persons in their respective fields. Truly amazing. My hats off to these lovely of ladies!.
I was their teacher for the last two years of their secondary school. That was in the 1995 , if I am not mistaken. We lost touch. I moved on to another school and my last job was as a senior lecturer at the training wings of the MOE until I retired in 2017.
Quite recently, they reconnected with me. They came over. We had many hours of catching up and stories to share. It was non stop chatter from all five of us!
Then last Sunday I was invited out to lunch. The food was great, the company was even greater. Two of them ( of four) were not able to make it. That was when I learned more about my student’s current situation. It breaks my heart and it saddens me . But the take away from all these is that strong women don’t play the victim, don’t make themselves look pitiful and don’t point fingers. They stand and they deal.
And sometimes the hardest walk is walking alone, but it’s also the walk that makes you the strongest ( Brene Brown)
21.3.2021
The Zoom Party
Still on a high . Still taking in the moments that happened yesterday. The new norm of communication was the order of the day for all us sisters ( 7 + 2 Sis in law ) and our daughters ( the second generation of the Omarians) . Yes it was zoom time. Courtesy of niece Syuhaidah Hidayah who hosted the event. Daughter Aisyah was the MC of the evening ( with ocassional prompt and help from daughter Syiqin). The built up to the big Day started as early as when we got the invitation on the omarians chat room (16.03.2021) with a beautiful card addressed to all the aunts. And from that time onwards the teasers and messages kept flying across the cyberspace in Klang Valley and to reach Alor Star and Kuantan too.
There were packages for all the aunts ( only to be opened on the day of the meet at 5 pm ) And that kept us guessing on the contents of the pacakage as well the itinerary lined up for the day.
The initial hiccups during the start of the event yestesday added colors to a most memorable moments with my loved ones.
It had been quite a while since we last met.
What a lovely surprise awaits us in the package! A beautiful shawl, lots of snacks and a packet with clues for the games to be played.simple but most meaningul indeed.
1. Guess the name of the niece and nephew by description. ( I was tasked to decribe my nephew and for them to guess, the family Lee Ming Ho)
2. In 3 words describe your sister/ sister in law ( I was asked to describe my sis rufaidah, the faimly PUU)
3. Guess the title of the song and its singer ( I was given the lyrics to the song On Top of the world by the Carpenters)
It was pretty chaotic at times with almost everyone shouting out the answers they were guessing).But that was forgiveablee.In the spirit of sisterhood.
So a shout out to all. My nieces and nephews, my daughters and sons for making it a most memeorable day day. You guys read our frustrations of being cooped up with very little physical contact with our siblings.
19.3.2021
Arwah mak would be 85 today. But she left us just about a week after her 81st birthday, on a cool Friday morning, 24.3.2017. I was at work. I received a call from my husband informing me of her demise at about 9.30 am that morning. I packed my bag and drove straight downhill from Gentings to Subang Jaya. When I arrived, she was already placed on a mattress in the living room.
Just the night before, kak and I made arrangements to take her home from the hospital . The doctors told us that there was nothing much that they could do anymore. And it was time to bring her home. And so I messaged on the Omarians chatroom, informing them of the situation and requested them to come to Subang jaya and say their final goodbye.
At the hospital we made arrangements to take her home . We arranged for a private ambulance service.They came and soon us three were set to leave the hospital. There was a lady in attendance, apart from the driver. Both kak and I sat at the back with mak on the stretcher . The driver was very skilled and experienced in manouvering the van in the evening traffic, I think it was about 8 pm, there were many cars on the road , the after work traffic. But the van managed to reach within a space of about 10 minutes or so. He drove fast ,but I felt in safe hands. That was my first experience riding in an ambulance. I managed to record the event .
Upon arriving, the house was slowly being filled with siblings, and nephews and nieces. Soon almost all were there . I remember Mak was looking around at her children and grandchildren. She was just looking, taking in the scent.maybe photographically everything in her head.
I left for home that night. She passed on the next day. Very peacefully, said my sister.And on that day my eldest sister turned 64.
It has been 4 years now.
There is something about losing your mother that is permanent and inexpressable- a wound that would never quite heal.
Mak… always loved, never forgotten, forever missed.
Our Lord, forgive me and my parents and the believers the Day the account is established.” Quran (Surah Ibrahim, 41)
1.3.2021
Decision time
Somehow yesterday’s decision was made with a very firm conviction. About an hour later, SIL and daughter and cucus came . It was so timely. It was as if he read our discussions earlier on.
What triggered the discussion was a question posed by my husband. ‘ Where will stay you stay if I were to go earlier’? It is question posed before which I would respond rather vaguely. And reciprocated to him.
But it felt different yesterday. It was as if I was ready to make a commitment to that question.
Yes.. this present house holds many memories. Of our first owned house. Of our children growing up in the neighbourhood which then housed many neighbours with children of about the same age as them. 2 neighbours to the left of my house, 7 on my right on the same row, 2 on my road opposite to my house ( Jalan Indah 4) . about 5 neighbours on Jalan Indah 6.
Yeah, we were neighbours who appreciated all of our neighbours. But many have moved away. They have upgraded and bought houses to be close with their grown children, one or two bought a house in a more elite area. So on my road, what is left is my immediate neighbour on my left, and one on my right.
This house was purchased in 1984. We were house hunting. My husband wanted to buy a house before he needed to leave the country to continue with his PhD. And the minute we saw this house, somehow it clicked to our hearts and we wanted to purchase it. It cost 130,000.000 RM. That was then the maximum house loan that was eligible for government servants. But we could not afford the down payment. So , my husband’s niece loan us the deposit money. And we managed to stay for two years before my husband left to pursue his studies in the UK .He paid a monthly loan of about 780.00 RM That was in 1986. So from 1986 to about 1991, the house was rented out at a monthly rent of 350.00RM . My late father helped in the collection of the rent.
We came back to Malaysia on April 1991. I continued with my teaching. My husband continued with his career at the University Malaya. My first two children were ready for school. In 1994 I moved to a school closer to home,. The sixth member of the family, my daughter was born in this house. The first three of my children also were married in this house. We held a reception in front of the house for the first marriage. All the neighbours were invited, regardless of whether we knew them or not. The next two children’s reception was held at the Ideal Convention Hall, about 2 km away from home.
In 2004, I managed to apply for total withdrawal of my second account in the KWSP. With that money and my husband’s savings, the house underwent major renovations. It felt more organised and more spacious overall.
From time to time we had this sudden urge to go house hunting to areas closer to our first two children. So, it was to the Dengkil area and also to Puchong. We made deposits on two occasions, One at a new housing project neighbouring my daughter’s house in Dengkil. Another time at Kota Warisan . But each time we came home, it didn’t feel right at all to abandon and move away from this neighbourhood.
It’s almost a year now since the first lockdown due to the current pandemics. And we are really trapped in this housing estate with limited movement. Missing our children, our grandchildren is taking its toll .
At this point in our journey, nothing matters anymore but to savour the moments still given to us , to enjoy good times with our loved ones. We have been through it all. Our career, our life experiences , the challenges, the ups and downs … we have been through it all. We don’t need a big house anymore. I don’t have the physical strength anymore to make sure everything is spick and span. Even more now, I am so obsessed with structured conditions. Everything should be in their original place. No mess, etc So, it is now time to live in a smaller space , enjoy the each other’s company with less stress.
Maybe it is finally time to move on to the last phase of my journey in life.
And suddenly you know…….it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of new beginnings…
And it’s not what we have in life, but who we have in our life that matters.
