15.4.2021

My rambling thoughts

My mother suffered silently, and smiled so no one could tell.

So if you see me smiling today, know my mother taught me well.

3.4.2021

My student Isaiah Jacobs

This is about my student Isaiah Jacobs. He was my student way back in the early 1980s. My first posting soon after I graduated was at a school in the Batu area (April 1981- December 1981) I requested for a transfer closer to home (in the Brickfields area). I reported for duty in my second school in January 1982. I was assigned to teach the form three science classes. Throughout my entire career as a teacher, I have always had this bond with groups of students, those whom I taught and also those whom I knew outside the classrooms. To the extent that I would take them to trips during the weekends. I remember one particular time a small of them (all girls) came with my children and husband to the Mimalands, a recreation centre in the Gombak area. It has since closed down.

 

But I don’t remember taking Isaiah on any of those trips. What I remember he would walk all the way from his home which was next to the school to my home which was about 6 km from school. Isaiah is not a normal student. He is physically impaired due to polio. His left leg was amputated from the knee downwards. So just imagine, the struggle that he had to go through to get to my home. And he would arrive, just to have a chit chat with teacher. Also, then, the VCR was just introduced in Malaysia. And he would stay to watch whatever movie that I had in my collection.

 

In 1986, November I left for England on a 4- year unpaid leave, my husband was pursuing his PhD in the Durham, North East England. I lost touch with all of my students.

 

Upon my return to Malaysia, I was placed to teach in an established school in Kl. By then, I was sure most of students that I taught, including Isaiah have left school, to pursue in their respective fields and interest. 

 

One day, while teaching, someone appeared at the door of the classroom.  And it was Isaiah! I had no idea how he managed to track me. But there he was, looking pleased to see me. As soon as I finished teaching, we sat down in the biology lab. He came to tell me he was going to India to have a major operation on his amputated leg. I cannot recall the actual operation. He came to ask for my blessings that his operation will be successful. I was a bit upset because I didn’t much cash on me. So, I gave him whatever I had and wished him well. 

 

Unfortunately, he came back a few weeks after that without going through the operation. It was something to do with the conditions in that particular hospital. On top of that it was quite a shock for him to discover that the situation in India wasn’t what he anticipated to be. 

 

And we lost touch once again. But come April 1, somehow, he will be on the phone to send his good wishes and sometimes a bouquet of flowers would be delivered with a card attached and this ritual to remain an annual affair without fail. Of course, not forgetting every Eid celebration as well.

 

Isaiah soon became active member of a political party. He was actively campaigning for his party during the recent election.

 

Just a few days ago, on the 1.4.2021, I heard a beep on the phone. And true enough it was about 7 am and he had messaged his wishes to me, the first to have done so. I thanked him and I thought that was the end of the communication until maybe the next coming Eid celebration. But at 10 am I received an unexpected visit from him with a beautiful bouquet of yellow roses! He remembers I loved yellow roses. We talked for a while. He updated me on his latest involvement. He was recently elected as the President of the Disabled People of Malaysia. If things go as planned, he will be running as candidate for the soon to come general election. Well good luck Isaiah! I wish you all the best in your latest mission to uplift the living standards of the disabled in this beloved country of ours. 

 

You have come a long way, Isiah. I know you are true blue fighter. Look at everything you’ve overcome and become! I salute you! And I wish you well!

 

3.4.2021

 

My New Year

 

Yes. It was that time of the year once again.  The beginning of a new birth year. Some people make the first day of January each year as their new year, reflecting back on the past 365 days, taking note of what was, what wasn’t and what did, and what didn’t work as planned and making resolutions for the next 365 days to improve upon and to realign once again.

 

I choose to make the first of April, as the beginning of my new year. The date on which I was born, about 64 years ago. Yes, it had been quite a journey. I thank Allah for allowing me to still be around, to breath, to say thanks to all his blessings bestowed upon me and my beloved ones. Thank You Ya Allah, for listening to some of my needs. Thank You Ya Allah for still giving me the time to reflect, to make amendments, to rectify and to move forward in the path that You have mapped out for us, your humble beings. 

 

The last 365 days has been a mixture of abundant blessings as well as challenging at times. Blessings to me was that I was able to spend more me time to reconnect with my Maker. Reading and understanding the teachings of your Holy Book, the Quran was my main focus, almost at every available time. Yes, I did have time to attend classes before this, to hear the ulamak preach words of advice from the Quran. But nothing is more satisfying to me to actually discover the true essence of your words by sitting down, reading and understanding your words and reflecting on how much I have understood and how much more I need to do in order to be a true Muslim. It is true to say that most of us the non - Arab speaking Muslims sometimes read the Quran with such beautiful pronunciation and yet those readings sometimes do not reflect in the display of actions and behaviours. Sometimes we rush ourselves to complete all the 30 chapters and feeling a sense of achievement. But personally, for me now, at this stage in my life, all I wish to do now to be able to read with the proper pronunciation as I could possibly but most importantly to read the tafsir and tadabbur the contents of the Al Quran to the best of my ability. 

 

Ya Allah, I pray to You that You will guide me to the Right path and make me adhere to the Straight Path. Oh Allah, I ask You for Guidance and uprightness. Please grant me the ability to do everything in a correct manner, that is in accordance with the practice of the Prophet (sallahhaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). Syukur Alhamdullilah. Alhamdullilah for everything I have, alhamdullilah for everything I had and Alhamdullilah for everything I will have.

Alhamdullilah for everything even the trails that makes me closer to You.

 

It has been almost a year past since the whole world was struck with the deadly virus, the Covid 19. To some, it is just another flu virus but to those whose loved ones have died all alone not being able to hold their hands, to say goodbye and seek forgiveness before the last breath is released for good is most heart breaking and indescribable. Only those who have been through such an episode will understand. 

 

For those who are still surviving and living our everyday life, well the norms of living our everyday life have changed. The last perintah berkurung or curfew that I ever experienced was during the May 13 racial riots. During that time, we were instructed to say behind closed doors to cool off the tension building amongst the races. At that time, I was only 13 years old. I cannot recall how long was the curfew. Not for long, I think. But for this pandemic, with the different phases and different terminologies used to describe the stages (which sometimes is most confusing to comprehend). Wearing the masks, adhering to the set SOP by the authorities is all the new norm of the year 2020 and now into the fourth month of 2021. How much longer we need to be in this state will depend on Allah’s plan. Kun Fa Ya Kun.

 

With the new norm of spending time at home has its plusses and negativities. Too cooped up at home with minimal interactions, especially to those who live alone, to those who have been dependent on their loved ones for financial help, for mobility, for physical and mental support can create a lot of stressful moments. Mental health problems are not uncommon during this tiring times. I must confess there were moments that I too had issues with my mental health. I had to will myself to quickly snapped out of it. I now find solace in writing. It doesn’t matter if nobody reads it. this is my means of letting go. 

 

So, for the next 362 days or so, I will keep on doing what I am doing. Reading and writing. I need to write on my last 10 years as a public servant in the Education Ministry. I need to share the experiences that I have gathered with the heads of schools, the children from low performing schools, the struggles that teachers at these school faced in trying to improve the teaching and learning experience, sometimes with the minimal of facilities. 

 

I hope to reconnect, spend more quality time with my loved ones. I hope to reconnect with my friends, friends who have given me support when I was going through my dark days. I need to make time. I need to stay healthy, eat well, keep on with my morning walks (maybe not too rigorously anymore, but definitely walk).

 

Insha Allah.

 

Oh Allah, give me the patience and strength I need to carry on. Aamiin.