25.2.2022

 

A birthday greeting

 

My first grandson Aqil Siddqi is 12 today. He is also the first born in the fourth generation of  the Dato Hj Wan Omar bin Wan Hamid clan as well as  the Hj Taib bin Mustafa family. 

 

Assalamualaikum! 

 

Dear Aqil Sidqqi.

 

Its your birthday today! Happy happy  12th birthday to you! Have a very happy birthday. Can you believe it? You are now moving into the teenage group soon. This is your last year in primary school and next year Insha Allah you will be officially a TEENager ya.

 

Tok Wan Zek would like to take this oppurtunity to say how much you are loved by all of us. You are good son, a good big brother to your younger siblings. You have a good heart, very helpful around the house. Though sometimes cheeky or as your mum like to say ‘ goofy’. Its ok . Stay fun, stay smart and stay brilliant. Always look out for your mama and ba and  your younger siblings. Tok wan zek is proud to say that  both Tok Sam and Tok Wan Zek are proud of you, our first grandson! And also the first great grandson in the Omarian clan. 

 

My doas : May Allah swt shower a life full of happiness and prosperity. May Allah swt shower his mighty blessings on you and guide you to the straight path and help you become a better and a pious person and raise your position in both the worlds. 

 

May ALLAH be with you at every step you take.

May ALLAH guide you in each decision you make.

May ALLAH help you when life gets rough.

May ALLAH Bless you with more than enough.

May ALLAH protect you when you fall.

May ALLAH  hear you when you call.

May ALLAH sooth your heart when you do not understand.

 

Aamiin Ya Rabalalamiin.

 

 

16.2.2022

 

The conversation.

 

A conversation  that was narrated to me by my husband. This happened at the local grocery store. He was with his grandson Abu Dzar. 

 

AD: Tok Sam, can I buy drinks. I will pay you later.

TS: Yes, of course you can. You don’t have to pay.Tok Sam will pay.

AD: I will pay later when  I have the money

TS: It won’t be too soon. Maybe in 20 years time when you start to work.

AD: 20 years? That is too far away. Maybe you two will not be around any more.

TS: Silent.

 

So, he got a can of coke for himself not only for himself but a can of latte  for big brother Aqil, one bottle of mountain dew  for big sister Alya and a small can of coke for little brother  Hamzah. 

 

That conversation reminded me of an episode with my son Amir Iswadi. I think it was in 1988. The school which he attended was having a charity bazaar. That morning , his ayah gave him £1.50.He came back with goodies for all :- mak, ayah, sis Aisyah and brother Atif. 

 

And that was a most defining moment.And so was today.

 

Kepada cucu ku Abu Dzar Tok Wan Zek nak semadikan peristiwa semalam di sini.  Insha Allah 20 tahun akan datang, atau mungkin sebelumnya Abu dapat membaca coretan ini. Mungkin Abu dah lupa peristiwa pada pagi 16.2.2022. Inilah Abu yang Tok akan ingat selama lamanya. Diantara 4 beradik, Abu is a thinker. Kadang kalanya, Tok terkejut dengan luahan dari mulutnya. 

Ada satu peristiwa di rumah tok. Semasa tu, Abu ada mendapat ole ole wang kertas dari tok saudara yang telah datang menziarahi kami di Selayang.  Sambil memegang wang tu, dia bertanya.

 

Abu: Tok Wan Z, what do I do with this money? 

 

TokWZ: You ask mama to keep for you. Later you can deposit them into your bank account.

 

Abu: Hmm.. Right now I can’t have my own account. My account is link to mama’s account. I am too young to have my own.

 

Tok Wan Z terkedu diam. Bila masa la dia belajar link to mama’s account? A standard one kid?

 

Tapi itu lah Abu Dzar. Kadangkala bila ia bercakap,ayat ayat power yang dikeluarkan dari mulut dia.

 

Banyak lagi nak diceritakan di sini. Insha Allah bila ada kelapangan masa akan ada sambungan cerita . Sebelum memori tok wan zek terpadam…  

 

 

 

9.2.2022

 

Hak mu hak aku..hak aku hak aku. 

 

Bila depa mula ketengahkan elemen sentimen kebangsaan, maknanya dah dekat la tu. 

 

Maka bangkitlah meluap luap semangat semua yg tersentuh dengan sentimen tu. 

 

Maka berbondong bondong la depa keluaq nanti dengan semangat waja, tak akan menyerah kalah demi menegakkan  wilayah serta hak hak depa.  Territorial defence istilah yang diguna untuk dunia haiwan. Boleh kot guna untuk kita manusia. 

 

Bertepuk sorak la depa.Mission acomplished!

 

Habis selesai nanti, ada depa kisah?

 

Hmm… bertambah la kerak nasi depa. 

 

Kita makan  moi .

 

 

 

 3.2.2022

 

Cerita pagi ini ( Bahagian 1) 

 

Kalau kita rajin melayan social media, macam macam  la yang kita dapat baca. Tetapi yang saya temui semalam yang saya kira ‘highlight’ la  untuk minggu ini.  

 

Ringkasan :

 

Sepasang suami isteri yang  dilihat terlalu sibuk dengan urusan mereka, maka sekadar bertegur sapa melalui ‘senyuman ‘sahaja. Suami bekerja malam, isteri pulak pada siang hari.  Hujung minggu mereka balik kampung, kalau tidak akan mengemas rumah. Tidak bercampur dengan aktiviti taman. Maka masyarakat tak puas hati,  nak halau mereka dari terus menginap disitu. 

 

Si penulis menulis untuk mendapatkan pendapat rakan rakan.Maka pelbagai lah respon yang diterima.

 

Teringat saya pada satu insiden lebih kurang sebulan yang lalu.Lewat malam jugalah. Terdengar bunyi loceng. Berkata kata  dalam hati… siapa lah gerangan ya datang malam malam ni? Nak jawap ketidak. Che suami masih disurau, belum lagi balik walaupun dah lewat selpas solat isha’. 

 

Intai melalui pintu yang dibuka. 

 

Aunty … ni saya ni! 

 

Oh..ok. Jemput masuk.

 

Maaf aunty, datang malam malam ni. Saya nak tanya aunty. Aunty marah ke saya dok menyapu dihalaman rumah aunty? ( dibelakang, tepi, etc)

 

Tak.. aunty berterima kasih ada yang membantu .Bersih lorong jalan belakang rumah kita!

 

Tapi aunty, ada sorang tu tulis marah marah saya . Mengapa sibuk membersihkan halaman rumah orang. Jaga halaman sendiri cukuplah. Dan yang menulis  tu tak tinggal dijalan kita aunty.. jauh tiga jalan/lorong dari rumah kita.

Depa tak tau aunty. Ini cara nya saya menghilangkan stress aunty. Saya sakit aunty. Lepas tu menjaga sorang sorang emak yang uzur. Ini lah cara menghilangkan perkara perkara yang merungsingkan.Tapi ada orang tak suka dengan perbuatan saya. 

 

Terdiam..tak terkata. Biarlah dia meluahkan apa yang terpendam. Mungkin dapat membantu dan melegakan selepas ini. Lama juga mendengar.

 

Hmm.. tak apa lah. Biar lah depa nak kata apa..  Mulut manusia kita tak boleh nak tutup. Aunty ni jarang bergaul dengan orang, jadi aunty tak tau lah kisah kisah terkini.

 

Tu la aunty, dia orang semua kata aunty ni sombong… yang lelaki pun kata yang sama.. tapi saya respect aunty dan uncle. Arwah bapa ada  pesan pada saya… bila dia tak dak nanti, kalau terdesak nak minta tolong , pi lah berjumpa dengan uncle dan aunty.Depa ni orang baik baik. Tak kacau orang. 

 

Hmmm…

 

Dah tau lama dah  pasai bab sombong ni. Sama macam cerita kat atas pulak …Cuma tak dengaq la pasai nak kena halau …Pesepsi orang kita tak boleh nak kata apa.. Kalau berjumpa terserempak tengah jalan atau kat pasar raya , kita teguq bukan tak teguq. Kita bersembang bukan tak bersembang.Kita bertanya habaq..

 

Sebenarnya dah penat dah…31 tahun berinteraksi dengan pelbagai jenis ragam manusia. Yang muda, yang tua. Bercakap, bernasihat, bersembang, berkongsi ilmu dan pengalaman.. Laa ni nak relaks layan kehendak diri pulak. Nak realign yang mana yang tersasar. 

 

Nak kayuh pelan pelan.

 

Collection of thoughts 

I did not publish these earlier writings  as dated. But I am finally going to have them archived in this blog.  

16.1.2022

 

Power Game- Perceptions

 

Sejak diperkenalkan pada awal 2000an,  jurang hubungan diantara  manusia sedunia telah menjadi semakin tiada bersempadan.Sesuatu peritiwa yang berlaku dibenua jauh daripada tempat kita bermastautin dalam beberapa minit mungkin boleh diketahui oleh kita disini. Tiada yang tidak kita ketahui, sekiranya kita  rajin melayari platform berita dan sosia media.

 

Siapa sangka ya? 

 

Pada awalnya ianya hanya berita. Tetapi platform ini dimaksimakan penggunaannya bagi kepentingan semua yang bermotif. 

Tak hairan if the game of perception is at its max. We can create stories and there will be the believers and the haters, the keyboard warriors.

Thus, what I am trying to point out is if people keep doing things the ‘old’ conventional way, especially those up there, it is most difficult not to have insults  and comments hurled  at you, especially if people sensed the pretensions that you are displaying. You want to be seen , you jolly do it the right way, not just pretend to be seen doing things.People can no longer tolerate  the old way of telling us that you are doing  “good” . The power of voices across the nation is telling us all ‘we have had enough” Things have got to  change, people that we voted in have to be seen doing things for the benefits of the nation not be seen for the benefit of their personal gains. Power is no longer money. Power is sacrifices, hard work , thinking out strategies that are going to benefit the people. The freedom of speech has to be tolerated, no more threats and jail sentences to shut them up everytime something is said that you do not agree with . People are longer   scared to voice out, to be heard by others.  The momentum is picking up. Please, for God’s sake, no more finger pointing at others. No more racial issues to win people over. We are fine.All of us. It’s you people who created this ‘tension’ between races . Because you want to remain in power and reap the maximum benefits for yourselves. 

 

Yes this is what we perceived.  Proof us wrong!

 

 

Anything goes. People can take matters into their own hands. We can churn out punishment and viral the actions for the world whole to see. That is being sadistic. 

 

18.12.2021

 

The cycle repeats . Initially you wonder where did you went wrong. But after a while and after the prayers it became really clear that I am dealing with an adult, who is married with responsiblities.  He knows his responsibility as an adult, as the head of the family. He sees that in his father . Like all of us, we all go through life making mistakes and making sucesses. 

 

I pray to Allah that he will be given hidayah, to realign himself back into the folds of the true teachings of islam and the rituals that one need to follow in order to taste the sweetness of the Judgement Day.

 

May Allah swt bestow  him His Blessings and hidayah to all in the family. May he realise that there must be a balance of the world life and the after life. 

 

One day you will tell your story of how you went through and it will be someone else’s survival guide.

 

25.12.2021

 

Remembering those loved ones , closed friends, collegues at work, ex students and those who succumbed to the deadly virus and those who survived the ordeal. 

 

And remembering those who succumbed to the devastating floods that caught us off guard. Didn’t think it would hit our shores.And hats off to all fellow malayisans who went into the 5^th gear to help out those in dire straits. There were too many  who lost everything in the floods, lock stock and barell. 

 

My heart goes out to  that sweet lady who lost her husband  just about one week of marriage.To read and know of persons trapped in their cars on  roads that were inaccesible to any traffic. To those persons, the elderly , the young babies and children who escaped to the rooftop of their houses,  for long long hours before help finally arrived.

 

Many were seen to have gone out of their way to render help in whichever way possible. Donations from the public reached almost a half of a million ringgit within a space of a few hours of announcement of request for donations.

 

Sadly, many too were seen to have not done enough. Red tapes, bureacracy, the old way of doing things. Publicity press conference, for the political mileage?? To be seen as the persons in authority. You don’t  need to tell you are in control. You were given the votes by the people to serve them!  People need help, not lip service!! Your days will be  numbered,if you insist on doing things your way. Sorry!!

 

It is predicted bt the Mets people that there will be a second wave of big rains in the next couple of days. And this time around it is expected to hit the northern states of the peninsula. Well Allah swt knows best.

 

As for now, lets  embrace the uncertainty and make the most of  the gap between now and then. When nothing is certain, everything is possible. 

 

Wallahuallah.La hawla wal quwata illa billa . There is no might nor power except with Allah. 

 

 

When nothing is sure, everything is possible ( Margaret Drabble)

 

 

28.1.2022

 

Rempah Ratus Hidup Suami Isteri  ( part one)

 

Asslm. Yg mulia ustazah,, kami kaum wanita tidak gemar dgn syarahan n tazkirah ustzah yg slalu memihak pd kaum muslimin,,,apa spatut seorang lelaki,, bapa, suami yg digelarnya,,, iya benar,, kene  patuh segala2 nya yg di gelar SUAMI, —- tahu kah ustzah,, kalau SUAMI,, yg

1- CUrang dgn istri, 

2- Yg berseronok dgn wanita2 di luar sana, tanpa istri tahu

3- Kedekut dgn ank2, idtri

4- Yg suka cari kesalahan istri

5- Yg tk sika berbual mesra dgn kluarga di rumah

6- Bila balik rumah tjk muka masam n serius

7- Smua kene dgr ckp nya, baik benar atau tidak

8- Yg panas baran

9- Bila makan kluar sorang2 atau cari kawan2 di luar

10- Bila fi rumah main h fon tk kira masa,, tk tahu bilamasa tidur mlm nya,,

 

Hrp Ustazah peka n kene tahu sebab nya perangai SUAMI yg mbuatkan istri Derhaka dn kene rejam  ke neraka jahanam.

 

(Copy and paste , no editing done on her original message. As is)

 

How true! Found this messge written by someone I know. I am not close to her but this message of hers is spot on!

 

Yes.. kantoi.. the reason given is ‘it was just a glitch! And what happen if the wife never found out ? Will it forever be a glitch? How convenient to have such an excuse ya?

 

I read it out loud! And then I smiled and gave a small laugh! Yours truly was curious why I did so. I replied..so typical of all menfolk!

He mumbled an answer! Not too convincing really.

 

This is reality.Not for all. But for most of us womenfolk,  married in late years… this is the reality of things.

 

Can’t have enough of one partner!  Must reinforce their egos in this late stage of their life with  extra marital affairs. They don’t consider it an affair but just a passing stage in their life.Hmmm.. can’t be more true than that ya. 

 

What an excuse!

 

I wonder what her husband has to say to this message that she wrote for al to read. Yours truly thinks its just a general message. 

 

You think so? There is a malay proverb that says,’ Kalau tak ada ribut, tak kan pokok akan bergoyang”

 

If there is strong winds/storm, usaually the trees would not be swaying ferociously!! 

 

And it still haunts….

 

30.1.2022

 

Rempah Ratus Hidup Suami Isteri  ( Bahagian ke2)

 

All too often generally a marriage goes through many phases.

The seven  year itch, the mid life crisis are two common phenomena that I hear of and aware of since my early years of marriage in the early 1908s. 

 

Back then in the early 1980s , accesibility to articles like relationships and marriages were commonly accesible through books.Maybe there were  articles posted online but those were the early days of the digital era.The google search engine was established in 1998. It wasn't until the late 1980s that the Internet became searchable.

 

The 7 year itch is often viewed as a critical juncture,  a time when couples re-evaluate: They either realize that their relationship isn't working, or they feel deeply satisfied and committed to their relationship.

 

From my own experience, I think the first two years was also quite crucial in establishing a partnership, the adaptation period to understand your partner’s habits, the quirky ,the tolerable and the not so.. Everything before marriage was almost too good to be true! The truth unveals as we sailed into the relationship! Thus the 7 year itch is a number that can happen a lot earlier than commonly established. Perhaps my 2^nd year was my itch! 

 

The mid life crisis is said to be a period of psychological stress occurring in middle age, thought to be triggered by a physical, occupational, or domestic event, as menopause, diminution of physical prowess, job loss, or departure of children from the home.The menfolk in my culture used to say that turning 40 was a juncture that would determine whether they take the left or the right turn in their journey forward. In those days , establishing one’s career was top priority,besides the family of course.Most of the time, the daily solah were done at home.Myhusband used to say, 40 is the age, the turning point  where either he continued to be as he was or he would now be performing his prayers at the masjid or surau. I don’t know how widely this is practise amongst the menfolk!

 

Dr. Susan Campbell, a best-selling author and relationship expert listed five distinct stages to a relationship. https://citinewsroom.com/2020/01/how-to-survive-all-5-stages-of-marriage/

 

• I may not fully agree with what she has written but there are certain  elements in all the stages mentioned that I agree and could relate to. Nothing is black and white. To me, marriages and relationship is a compromise. You don’t get things your way all the time. There is a malay proverb ‘ sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit, ini kan suami isteri’.(Marriage isn't all moonlight and roses. It can be hard work keeping a relationship together.)

 

 

Let’s run through the 5 stages. 

 

1.Honeymoon stage. 

 

The honeymoon stage can last up to two years, at which point, the overwhelming feelings of love and happiness begin to fade.

During the honeymoon phase, everything is fresh, new, and exciting. You may not realize your partner’s flaws or you can tolerate them because of the love you have. 

 

 

2.Power struggle stage. 

 

As the honeymoon stage ends, the power struggle stage begins. Your life as a couple gets hard in this stage. The monotony of marriage becomes felt. It’s when your or your spouse’s dreams aren’t turning out as expected. Your expectations of what it means to be in a relationship (i.e. happily ever after, always and forever, without any effort) finally becomes seen as unrealistic.

During this stage, you may feel distant from your partner. You may feel like your partner is different than the person you married. However, you actually are still just learning about each other and each of your emotional needs. It may seem like you really knew each other when you got married, but in reality, this is just part of the learning process of this stage.

 

3.Doubt and Denial, 

 

This is when we finally start to actually notice the differences between us and our partners. We wake up from the trance of infatuation with a thump, finding that the same qualities that once seemed so perfect have begun to annoy us. (His reliability now feels rigid; her generosity seems irresponsible; their adventurous nature feels like unnecessary risk.)

And unfortunately, friction is natural once we run up against each other's differences. Power struggles increase, and we marvel at the change in our partner. Feelings of love mix with alienation and irritation. Perhaps we're not "perfect" for each other after all.

As our disappointment escalates, so do our biological responses to stress. Depending on our personality and circumstances, we may want to fight or to withdraw. For example, you may feel the need to fight to defend your values, which may actually translate into the desire to have everything your own way. It makes little sense to expect another person to be just like we are, and yet, at some level, many of us do tend to ask, "Why aren't you like me?"

At this point, the skills of conflict management are essential. 

 

I think this is the stage where most couples just gave up on each other. The tolerance level is at its lowest.

 

4.Stability stage.  

 

In this stage, you accept your partner as a unique individual. Rather than wishing for your partner to change, by now you’ve learned to respect your partner. You’ve figured out how to resolve differences and you each have established roles.

This stage brings peace and stability, but with that comes routine and set roles. This can be boring for some. Growth requires risk and ongoing learning. Being too comfortable in the routine of this stage means your marriage does not grow.

 

5.Commitment Stage.

 

By this stage, you have recognised there is no ideal partner nor ideal relationship. In this stage, you choose to commit to the individual you married. You both have learned how to communicate and continue to do so. You can freely share the good and the bad with each other, trusting your commitment to support you.

It’s common in the commitment stage to realize you love your spouse, but you may not like them at all times. We are all human and not perfect. Love can look beyond imperfection.

 

After 42 years, I think I can identify myself at stage 5! I totally agree with the final statement of stage 5.celebrate the uniqueness of our partner. Give thanks to Allah that we have this oppurtunity to celebrate each other in this twilight years. 

 

 Que Sera Sera….