2.1.2019

Dear Alya Zulaikha……

I am so so nervous (am beginning to sound just like you! )i want to pen all my thoughts and emotions on this very important day… your first day at the big school! Yes! Tok Wan Zek is just as excited as you are! I cannot really imagine that you are actually going to the same school that your mama went to ! Your mama’s alma mater! I know you are a bit nervous about making new friends, about how your friends will response to you, perhaps due to the slight hiccup in the communicating area. But its ok, you are going to be just fine. Your mama went through the same concern when she first entered the school... straight into standard 2 , but eventually everything turned out ok.
I know you will not be able read and understand truly what i am penning . But i hope one day your mama will show you this piece of message to you. Maybe then, i will not be around to see your reaction or even to see whether you have become the person that i prayed you to be.

Dearest Alya....
I see a lot of myself in you.. i was decribed as a very quiet pupil by my class teacher( (that was what she wrote in my primary school leaving certificate!) But like you, i loved music, I loved dancing and singing. I realised that potential in me when i came to secondary school. I transformed into a different person when i was on stage. I was into drama ( acting) and this passion continued into my university days.
What i am trying to say to you is Alya, follow your dreams. Be the person that you wished to be, not because of anyone else. Why am i saying this? You mama and Ba have raised you well. They have equipped you with the basic values that will guide you and ensure that whatever decisions that you are going to make will still be within the boundaries of those values instilled and nurtured in you.
Alya, be confident of yourself, reach for the skies.. i know you can be the person of great stature. Belief in yourself. Its ok to be shy.. that’s you. But shyness will not limit your boundaries. Look at me! I was described as a quiet and shy person. But here I am! I overcame all that !! You know how? The acting streak in me! I pretend that i am on stage whenever i am facing a sea of audience. And they are here to see me act my drama! Doesnt make sense? As a dramatist , i was very animated... my passion for whatever i did was very well received by my audience! And i have the gut feeling that you will be taking the same path as i did.
I do not know Allah’s plans for me. I do not know whether I will be there to watch you blossom into a fine young woman.
There is this song that i used to sing to when i was young . It goes like this:
When i was a little girl i ask my mother what will i be
Will i be pretty will i be rich?
This is what she said to me..
Que sera sera, what ever will be will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera sera, what will be will be..

10.1.2018

Untuk ahli keluargaku 

Right after my appointment, whilst sorting out the next date of appointment, one young man (YM) sitting behind the counter started a conversation.
YM : Puan.. Puan berasal dari mana?
Me: dari Kedah
YM: Ooo..Wan Kedah
Me: Adik orang Kedah jugak ke?
YM: Ya... Saya pun keluarga Wan juga..
Me: Oh, Kat mana dok kat Kedah?

Remembering arwah's pak SOP bila berjumpa dengan ahli keluarga yang baru jumpa, I began with the standard question.
Me: Sapa nama Pak?
YM: Wan Musa
Me: Nama tok?
YM: Wan Dewa
Me:Dok kat mana di Kedah?
YM: Kami tak dok Kedah. Keluarga kami semua kat Cuping ,Perlis

Me: (trying to sound like father) aah.. adik beradik la tu. 

By this time, arwah pak would have done more connections through a chain of questions, which of course I was not able to do.Normally, he would reach a point where the connection begins.
At lost for words for not being able to further probe him, I offered to bring our book of Walasilah keluarga( Family Tree) - Mengenal asal usul Keturunan dan keluarga on my next appointment.

So here I am , poring through the book trying to make sense of the webs of family connection. And it is no easy task. Because generations of the Wan family share common names... repeated and recycled. So to look for Wan Musa bin Wan Dewa is no simple task. I will need to probe more...more questions..at least until the last 5 generations... only then will there be a clearer understanding. 

This book was compiled by arwah Pak with the help of the present generation of Wans... tracing back to 8 generations from 1706 - 1990. Many have passed on since the publication of this book ( the eight generation, that is) . i think now the Wan is into the 9th and 10th generation.

I was given this copy, signed by Pak in 1991. To be honest, I have looked through many times before this, just focussing on my line of ancestry. About time now i look again and perhaps with better knowledge I will be able to share with the young man when i next meet him. 

On that note, that is a need to update the lineage .The early chapters of the book gave a history of Wan Kedah , the role of the Wan family in the early Kedah state governing body , holding the posts of the Bendahara, Temenggong and Laksamana of the Kedah Sultanate.But little was written on the actual contributions and life journey of these Panglimas. In fact all those stories that Pak used to narrate to us during our early days and while he was still alive and well, none of his children actually documented them to be passed on to the next generation. Maybe we were all busy with our family, our career. But we are now in our twilight years,... well almost.. for the first 4 or so..We need to document them to pass on to our children, grandchildren and generations to come of how their ancestors lived their lives. How times have changed. How much time do we give to ourselves to call upon our dearest ones. Arwah Pak always made it a point to connect with his elders whenever he went back to Alor Star. And he never failed to make sure that we know our relatives.. Alas ... fast forward.. We meet up only during festivals or wedding receptions. Questions asked? Does it matter how much of our family tree that we need know? Does that matter ? Well .. sometimes stories have to be told or they die, and when they die, we can't remember who we are or why we'r here....And knowing who our family was reveals part of who we are...And when we learned about the past, we gather strength for the future...

Here's a tiga rangkap pantun extracted from our Walasilah Keluarga, written by then the eldest living member of the Wan Kedah family.

Bendahara, Temenggong dan Laksamana,
Di Negeri Kedah mereka berbakti,
Itu lah asal usul kita semua,
Keturunan mereka kita warisi.

Hutan ditebang , terusan digali,
Memegang teraju pemerintahan negeri,
Kepada Raja dan Negeri mereka berbakti,
Tak kenal derhaka, pantang undur lari.

Buku disusun mengenal diri,
Agar kita tidak tercari cari,
Yang mana satu nenek sendiri,
Yang mana satu pulak moyang sendiri. 

(Dato' Paduka Haji Wan Ibrahim Wan Soloh, 1990 )

P.S : kpd anak , anak saudara, cousins yg belum baca buku ni, intai intailah walaupun sejenak....