19.2.2021

 

Thank you and Goodbye My Friend.

 

She was one of those seniors who had a gift of the gab. Very articulate with her words, was able to say things very professionally. . Was seen to be a professional. . We who were not familiar found her most unapproachable. To be truthful I was quite wary of her. May be we heard lot of stories about seniors  who were not too happy with our presence. . She looked too knowlegable for us. To approach her for advice or help would be the last thing for me to do. I didn’t want to be seen as incompetent and shallow in my knowledge.  But in later years there a few occasions when we attended in house training and she complimented on my presentation. I remember one of the last in house training for the department’s  training module  kits.  I was assigned to present the module on tracking students’s progress with emphasis on the Headcount method.  She was very impressed with my content knowledge and as soon as my session was over  she congratulated me.  It felt good to at last have such an acknowledgement from one of the most seniors in the department and of course in the institute. I considered her as one of the old guards.She was everyone’s source of reference. Her opinions mattered.  

 

And soon after that session, we became  quite close. She would stop by my room, ,we would sit and talk about a lot of things. General stuff. At one time I was sharing with about my mother’s dementia and how we were coping .Then her  mother became ill and she seeked my advice about day care nurse.  she wanted someone to share the problems with her mother who was then staying at her home, her frustataions and all. I was perhaps a good listener. I only give advice when asked.

 

I think she was a very private person. And she has a few friends who were  close to her.  We knew very little of her background,her family . I think she was still married . I heard rumours that there were several issues but none of these was ever discussed beween us. 

 

I got to know her better when two of her very close friends left the institute, one to the main HQ and the other who was promoted to a higher post in the Education Ministry. 

My last department was at the department of  management of  Curriculum and Cocuricullum, a department  that I was most  at ease. We were a 6 member  team. We became close. We shared a lot of inputs. Soon I was helping her . She would get calls from her daughter . And I would be helping out. And at one at time she was in dire straits. I  didn’t think twice . I thought I had to help her and I think she was most grateful  that I lend her a hand without much thought. 

 

I was due for retirement in April 2017.  I came on board on November 2009. So it was  almost close to 10 years of service . I had about 29 years of service at school. Knowledge wise I would consider myself already at par with many of the seniors.Here there is an evaluation system where one get evaluated by the clients after every session. My scores were always high for almost every session that I had with my participants. 

 

At the same time, there is  a kind of ranking system within the institute. I suppose it’s related to a quality control to ensure that the staff are highly competent in their job training and are constantly seeking to upgrade their competencies. When  one first step in into the Institute it is to the  post of  a  senior lecturer. Once in, there is a panel that evaluates your ‘performance’in terms of knowledge content, skills etc. So from being a senior lecture , you  climb up the ladder to be acknowledged as a master trainer, then as a coach and the highest rank would be as a specialist coach. 

 

But to be moved up the rank, one need to put in a request. You need to put in  a formal application. Then there will  one of the senior lecturer who is aready ranked to come and evaluate your  class. But having heard all those scary episodes of  the evaluation process and the feedback obtained from the evaluation team,I didn’t think I would want to go through that episode.So I never once did I ever put in an application . As long I have participants who benefited from my sessions with positive feedback, I am fine.

 

So , before my term was up she felt that I ought to be acknowleged for my contribution to the institute. She wanted the institute to grade me perhaps to the rank of a master trainer. But  it was against the policy of the institute to simply rank a lecturer without having to go through the panel of evaluation. I learned of the fact that she talked to the director and the request was turned down. It was okay for me. She had tried and from the beginning when she discussed this matter with me I was not putting in too much hope..  

 

And so we lost touch after my retirement. She retired in 2018. I heard she went for her umrah in 2019.  I was still in touch with her by following her on her instagram. She would post beautiful photos of food that either she had prepared,  or by  her son or daughter. And those photos were beautifully set up . Very colorful. But never once had she posted a photo of herself or her two children.

 

So yesterday I received news that she died of pneumonia at 5.45 am after about 3 days of being hospitalised.I was lost for words. I didn’t think of the worst but I  did wonder why she had not being posting any photos on her ig. The last last posting coincided with the CNY festivities.

 

I am so sorry that I didn’t get to and pay my last respect dear friend. The restricted movement  prohibits inter district, interstate movement . But I know for sure your loved ones and family were all there to say their final goodbye. 

 

I feel the loss. I really do. You were a good person. You have a good heart. Every time you went to the canteen you lighted that little’s  girl eyes. I could see you had a special bond with her. I see the real person not as what I had perceived in my early days. Thank you dear friend for giving me the opportunity to see the real you. 

 

"O God, forgive our living and our dead, those who are present among us and those who are absent, our young and our old, our males and our females. O God, whoever You keep alive, keep him alive in Islam, and whoever You cause to die, cause him to die with faith. O God, do not deprive us of the reward and do not cause us to go astray after this. O God, forgive him and have mercy on him, keep him safe and sound and forgive him, honour his rest and ease his entrance; wash him with water and snow and hail, and cleanse him of sin as a white garment is cleansed of dirt. O God, give him a home better than his home and a family better than his family. O God, admit him to Paradise and protect him from the torment of the grave and the torment of Hell-fire; make his grave spacious and fill it with light."

 

 

O Allah, if she was a doer of good, then increase her good deeds, and if she was a wrongdoer, then overlook her bad deeds. O God, forgive her and give her the steadiness to say the right thing.

 

Aamiin ya rabbal 'alamin: