Reflections 

Since I can remember, I always have a tendency to wake up at certain hours in the night. And the odd certain hour has always been at about 3 am in the morning. I dont understand why .  Was it because i always hit the bed very early?  And thus by the time it was 3 am  I have had enough enough hours of sleep? 

I always tire quite easily since young. And there was no force stopping me from closing my eyes and sleep! When I was young, maybe about the age of 9 , I remember I followed my late father to attend one of his work related shows that his information department put up to the public. In between the talks on the goverment policies and so on, there would be comic sketches , songs etc from invited artistes .And, I never fail to fall asleep, no matter how good these people in their acts, When it was time , my brain, my mind, my eyes wait for no man. And I would just fall off to sleep.

When I was already  a married woman and also a mother, I remember going back to my in -laws. There was a big event, where almost the entire kampung folks were guests at the house. Foods and drinks were served, guests lingered on after the eating. I was strugging to keep awake as it was already past my bedtime. It was most embarassing, but I just stretched out at one corner and dozed off.  And many incidents that happened back in my in laws place where I would just fall off to sleep much much earlier than my children. They were young during those years and they of course have plenty of energy to spare. So, it would be my husband’s take to keep watch on them. And because of that sleep pattern I would be one of the early birds , so to speak , to rise in the mornings while the rest of the house were still asleep. 

I have tried to change these sleeping  patterns. Even now I am still trying. Sometimes I am sucessful in  keeping late nights but  not for long. 

And nowadays, at this age, I am up by sometimes as early as 1 in the morning. Not that I sleep all hours during the day! At most it would a 3 hours sleep in the afternoon. Is that too long ? How can I make myself less tired and sleepy during the daylights?  I have listened, I have read  and I have carried out the tips and yet the patterns remains!

I can recall my great great grandmother ( my mother’s grandmother ) who was one person would be awake most of the nights. She would be on her bed, all alone in the room downstairs and being alone without company at nights, she would be sitting on the bed, in the enclosed mosquito nettings. My late grandfather once told me  in his voice of despair. He just bought her a box of curut (  local cigar ) and she would finish them in within a short span of days! Now recalling those moments, I really can understand the situation much clearer now. Yes, you may have a house full of occupants,  one may have a sleeping partner right beside oneself. But if you are the only one up in this ungodly hours while the rest are asleep, you feel that you are all alone really. All quiet and the only company is oneself. 

Oh of course some people are going to start making remarks like ..ya a good time for you to offer your sunat prayers, to read and understand the Quran.You should be so lucky! You are the chosen one! Yes, without doubt I savour these quiet moments to kneel before the Almighthy, to seek forgiveness, to seek solace. And I look forward to these precious moments now. I must admit that I was an illiterate in the understanding the written messages of the Al Quran. But now I have read many times over and everytime I read a particular verse, I find something new , a new hidden message which I have overlooked before this. So ya, it is a rewarding time for me now. Time well spent ,reflecting and consolidating those thoughts.And of course the clocki s ticking forward.  There is no looking back. I pray to Allah for his blessings and I say my thanks to Him for the hidayah ( guidance) that He has bestowed upon me. Alhamdullilah. You are the greatest Planner . This is the Hikmah!

 Dear Allah ,may You accept my prayers of repent., Forgive me for for all the negativites that I have in my mind about this situation . This is your plan for me. Alhamdullilah. 

Ash -hadu Anna La Ilahi Illa Allah. Wa ash hadu Anna Muhammadan Rasulu Allah.

O Allah, please bless us with eyes that see the best in people. A heart that forgives the worst. A mind that forgets the bad and a soul that never loses faith. Aamiin.