Living with a chronic disease

How did you manage all this while? did you not feel tired when you climb the stairs? Those were some of the questions asked by my ENT doctor. A professor. Now retired. 

Yes. I replied. It thought it was due to my not so young age anymore. Well, climbing up 4 flights of stairs to reach the third floor was always a challenge to me. Every time I reached my class, my students would be asking me to take a breather, relax Puan Wan. Ambik nafas dulu, ambik nafas dulu. And I would be gasping, breathing hard for the few minutes or so.  I had no idea that I had underlying concerns.  

 

I was referred to him after a few rounds of tests and all...

 

It was in early 2014. A friend of mine, a colleague from the same department kept pestering me to go see a doctor. She had a problem almost similar to mine. I don’t know how but we were on health issues during one of our sembang sembang sessions. She was going on about how good these sets of doctors were. Just go, walk in if you wish and see how, she said. 

 

So, after much persuasion I went. But like all non-private hospitals, there is an SOP that one has to follow. You don’t get see the specialist on the first visit The MOs are the front liners. 

So, after the initial consultation, it was off to get a blood test done. To come back once the results came in. So, on the second round, I managed to see the same MO. Her words were. Well, everything looks okay. Your thyroid function is ok etc. etc. I don’t think you need to worry about anything. But when you see the swell getting bigger, come back to see us. So, my next question was, is there anything else that be done? Any other tests beside the blood test? She paused, looked at me. She said. Ok I will refer you to the ENT. So, with the letter to the ENT unit, I went to make an appointment. 

 

As usual, it was with the MO. After looking at my report from the previous department, she wrote a referral note to another unit. This time was to get a long thin needle pushed into my throat area. Some kind of biopsy procedure? Anyway, the results came back negative. So, my usual set of questions. Are there any other tests? At this point I appeared to be a bit pushy.  She looked at me. Pause. Okay I am going to refer you to the CT scan unit to get a scan done. 

 

Now, at this stage I was asking myself. Woman, are you sure you want to go through this? I am prone to palpitations and panic attacks. Especially if it meant going through covered machines etc. So, I kept pacifying myself. It’s going to be okay. The worst that could possibly happen is that you will die!  And it works all the time! Those comforting words of motivation! 

 

The CT scans results came back and that was the start of events fast forward. 

I was referred to the professor at the ENT unit. He had many MOs under him. One was put in charge to make diagnose on the CT scan results. Apparently, the scans captured were not too good. So, the next round would be the MRI scan. The Professor thought the procedure should be top priority. After a few phone calls, I was sent for the MRI scan.

 

Now, that was another moment of panic! Even worse than the CT scan! Anyone who has gone through that machine can relate the anxiety and fear of the whole procedure. And I was informed that I could not act up, the thing was going to be about 30 minutes. If you feel panicky, just press the button and we will cancel the procedure. But don’t know  when the next appointment will be.

 

So, I braved myself! Berzikrirullah. Once inside the machine, I play pretend. Like I normally do to myself. Ahh. those knocking sounds! Someone’s doing some carpentry works. Knock knock! I wonder what he is fixing. Ahh. There is another knock-on front side now.  I wonder who else is doing what. So, there was I how I kept my fears, my panic attacks, my palpitations from getting onto me.

 

Within a day, I received a call. The MO informed that the professor wanted a surgery done at the soonest possible date. Can you come down to the hospital? We need to explain a few things to you.

So, this next appointment was with professor. He explained the results. That was when the question the asked. How did you manage all this while? did you not feel tired when you climb the stairs. And so he wanted to have the surgery asap. He worries that I would just collapse one of these days due to total constriction of the lungs passage. That serious! 

 

The risks on the procedure was explained. He said my air lungs were constricted because of the pressure exerted by the growth of tissues around the air passage. So, they’re going to open up and remove those tissues. He was not too sure of what would happen after the removal. So, they’re going to put on standby the thoracic surgeon. Just in case the lungs collapse, the surgeon will drill a hole into the front of my throat, and I will be breathing via a tube.  I managed an ok. I understand. So, the surgery was set for two days after that day. It was going to be a straightforward procedure. But before a visit to the surgery procedure department. To take details of the patient. Height, weight, underlying conditions etc. To determine dosage of anesthesia to be administered etc. etc. That is my layman assumption. 

 

Anyway, on the day of surgery I was wheeled into the OT in the morning. After a round of SOP, I was ready to be cut up.

 

I remember waking up in the ward, the observation section. Many hours later. Not as predicted that it was going to take at the most 2 hours. It stretched beyond that. Apparently, once I was opened up, they discovered that it was a messy in there. They had to do a lot of clearing up. My Professor’s words about three mornings after the surgery. You must have prayed a lot. The lungs suddenly opened up when we cleared the mess. We didn’t have to drill that hole after all. 

 

I smiled at him. Alhamdulilah. 

 

But that was not the only news that he wanted to convey to me. They discovered malignant cells which they have identified (after being sent to the lab). They removed all my thyroids. They couldn’t save my parathyroid glands either. Total thyroidectomy.

 

So, that was the beginning of another new journey for me. 

 

To be continued….